Kareoke will never be a sober sport
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
