Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
