are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
