Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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