I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
