3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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