Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
