Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
