One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
3 2 1 whiskey
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
