Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
