I just threw up on my dentist
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
