So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
