Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
