Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
