You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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