There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
