Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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