We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
