took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
