I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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