I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
