I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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