So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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