she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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