I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
