he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
