Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
