my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We have started to decorate penises.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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