I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
