I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
