Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
