I just pynch a tree in the face
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
