Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
