hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
