i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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