There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
