just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
