this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
