Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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