I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
