yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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