My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's never too late to be topless.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
