I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So many bounce houses so little time
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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