i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
