I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
