i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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