I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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