Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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