Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
