Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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