I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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