Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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