the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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